I have known Aayush since we were
four or five years old. We stayed in the same colony, went to the same school, sat
next to each other in class and travelled by the same bus. As we grew old, we
made more friends but always stayed close to each other, shared our secrets, Ipods,
passwords and what not, one could say we were the best of friends. Both our
parents were liberal in their outlook so we had access to each others’ room
anytime of the day. As we entered the all important, life changing class of 12,
we had to let go of some of our hobbies like reading any book and pinching
dad’s car for a drive to Nirula’s for my favourite icecream. Aayush’s hobby was
hard rock and video games. He used to sit for hours in his room and play the
damn thing. My dad was strict about one thing and that was academics. He
allowed me all the freedom provided I scored good in all subjects. I hated to
disappoint my father. Thus my progress report always showed A or A+ in all
subjects. It was easy for me to concentrate on Physics, chemistry and Maths
rather than all those fantasy fiction which incidently was my favourite genre
of books. Aayush was never good in scoring though he always was the first to
answer in class. He hated memorising things and he always managed to pass in
all subjects. He hated physics, chemistry and Maths. In fact he wanted to be a
guitarist and after class 10, he shocked his parents by announcing that he was
going to Chennai to join A.R.Rehman’s school of music called KM conservatory
but like all parents in India they objected and forced him to continue with
science. Little did anyone know that it was the beginning of the end.
Life went on smoothly and we gave
the, all consuming, life threatening class 12 board exams. We were all jubilant
on the last day of the exam. Finally it was over. All of us made plans to go
somewhere during the holidays. Though Aayush was not satisfied with the way his
exams went, he was all game for the trip. That summer,fourteen of us made
detailed itinerary,explored the accommodation and finally evaluated the cost
for ten days trip to Goa and kerala.
Each of us, with a copy of the trip details,went home to get permission
from our respective parents. My father is a focussed person in life. Two years back,
anticipating huge college expenses and inflating cost, he switched from his
government job to a multinational company. Since then life has been
comparatively easy on us. Aayush’s father continued in the same government job
and with three children to feed, he didn’t want to take any risk by switching
jobs. So the household ran on a tight budget and any extra expenses were
curtailed. So, as expected Aayush was denied permission for this trip and I
didn’t want to go without him. Both of us withdrew our names and this didn’t go
down well with the rest of my friends. Aayush too didn’t want me to cancel.
Both of us had huge fights and stopped speaking to each other for two days. My
father seeing my state asked Aayush’s father to let him go and told uncle that
he would take care of Aayush’s trip expenses. After lot of cajoling and
promises that it would just be a temporary loan, uncle allowed Aayush for the
trip.
That Summer was the most
beautiful and memorable one of my life. Our first halt was Goa and it was just
breathtaking. I don’t know whether it was the vast beaches or the numerous
swaying palms or the grant cathedrals that added a dream like quality to our
trip. We were so happy and carefree. There was no worry about the future, no
regrets about the past. It was just the Present and us. I came closer than ever
to Aayush. I still cannot pinpoint what made me so happy. Was it Aayush or was
it our closeness? Or was it the freedom to do anything? Under the moonlit sky
and twinkling stars we shared our deepest fears and distant dreams. Along the
coastline, with the whispering wind and groaning waves, we looked forward to a
beautiful future. The world was at our feet and at the moment nothing was
impossible. He told me about his love for the music and how he wanted to
enthral a huge crowd of thousands with his music and guitar and travel the
world.
And then we left Goa and moved to
Kerala which completely enchanted us with its pristine and lush beauty. We had
seen nothing like this in our life. Time stood still here. Such simplicity and
earthiness touched us and we were beyond words. All of us reached out to each
other in different ways and a bond connected all of us to this place. If some
could not get enough of the famous fish curry then some could not get enough of
their toddy, a typical kerala drink made out of tender coconuts. While some
loved their boat rides in the backwater, some kept climbing on elephant for
long walks. Aayush and I had time only for each other. We couldn’t get enough
of each other and were oblivious to others’ whispers that something was cooking
between us. I don’t know what relationship I had with Aayush. Both of us made
each other very happy and longed to hold hands and walk long distances along
the coast. But were we in love? No I don’t think so. Didn’t love include
physical intimacy? We never went beyond holding hands and I never even felt the
need to do anything else and I am sure Aayush too felt the same. There was no
name to our relationship. It was more than friendship but less than the intense
love that I had read about in books, no jealousy, no passion but an engulfing
happiness.
Our trip came to an end and we
landed back in Delhi on a scorching May afternoon. A summer storm was in the offing
and all of us hurried back to our homes before all hell broke loose with the
sandstorm. We were all taking back beautiful memories and small gifts to our
family. I got a straw hat for dad and a wooden jewellery box for mom. I got
myself a straw bag. That night after regaling tales of Goa and kerala to my
parents I looked out of my window and the starry night reminded me of Goa and Aayush.
I didn’t see Aayush buying anything. He only had a small camera which he kept
clicking throughout the trip and a scrapbook in which he made notes of the
places he visited. I missed him. During the next few days, all of us kept
calling each other since we all missed each other after bonding so well during
the trip. And then the dreaded day
arrived. Our results were to be announced and we were all on edge. Our hopes
could be dashed in a minute or our future would be made. Either way it was a
testing time.
I came out with flying colours
but Aayush just scraped through the pass percentage which didn’t bode well for
admissions in good college. His parents were shattered. They had high hopes but
his result just pushed them into depression. Aayush did not come out of his
room for two days. Finally I had to drag him out of his room and my parents
advised his to enrol him in a decent arts college. Thus began our college life,
mine in an engineering college and his in an arts college. College was all about studies, assignments
and Practicals. I realised that unlike the popular notion that college is fun,
it was all about internships, placements and career. My father too was amazed
about the competitiveness of the present generation. If my life was all about
these, then Aayush’s was all about college festivals, band performances and
dating. He often called me to discuss about some hot chic and his auditions. I
never realised that he called me just to talk. I often had numerous assignments
to take home and did not have time to discuss his dates. It irritated me that
he was disturbing me with such frivolous things while I had this all important
project to finish. And so the distance between us slowly widened. I also did
not realise that since his result his parents had given up on him and that he
was becoming a loner. He got into his college band and became their official
guitarist. He would sometimes drop an invitation card to some college festival where
he would be performing. But I never got time to attend any of these festivals. Sometimes
I would go to his house during weekend but he would always be with his band
somewhere jamming or practising. And thus two years of college got over. One
thing that I never gave up in spite of my busy schedule was my driving. I loved
driving and my dad slowly became more and more confident in entrusting his
beloved Santro to me. If I am early home I would often go for a long drive.
Driving cleared my head and made me come up with new ideas for my projects. On
one such fine winter afternoon while I was zipping through the ring road I got
a frantic call from Aayush asking me to pick him up from Hauz khas village . I
went to the address he gave me and absentmindedly noticed the seedy building
from where he was rushing out to join me. When I asked him he told me that they
were all practising in his friend’s house and the owner of the flat was coming
over to demand his rent and since none of them had a penny, they had to escape
him. Seriously, I just gaped at him and he just burst out laughing. One could
say that it was a kind of an icebreaker. We just kept giggling like school kids
and ended up at my favourite Nirula’s joint at CP. After a long time we spent the evening just
talking to each other and for the first time I noticed how girls were sizing
him up. And for the first time I noticed his mussed up hair, crumpled jeans,
half tugged in Cotswool shirt and open jacket. His big brown eyes were the
clinchers. No wonder girls kept giving him looks and again for the first time I
felt proud to be with him. My fragile feminine ego got a boost that evening. We
usually take each other for granted but that evening I felt a subtle shift in
our relationship. I realised that I missed our closeness and bonding. I didn’t
know about Aayush but I felt his pleasure in being with me. After that evening
we would often go for long drives and that was when he told me about his rift
with his parents and how he felt lonely and sorry for not trying hard enough
during his exams. I attended one of his shows and it dawned on me that he was
really good with the guitar and he had quite a fan following. I tried to
congratulate him after the show but he left with his band soon after and I could
not contact him. But I made it a point to tell his parents about how good he
was with the guitar. They were thrilled but I was sure that they would not show
their pride to him...If only they had.....
Another year passed and I was in
my third year and Aayush was in his final year of college. Both of us had busy schedule and
hardly had time for each other. I had so many projects to complete, prepare
myself for the summer internship and had no time for anything except sleep. One
day while I was attending an important lecture, my cell phone buzzed. I saw
that it was Aayush and messaged him that I was in a lecture. He message back
that it was important, that I leave the lecture and come and speak to him. He
was waiting outside my college. I was astonished, excusing myself from the
class, rushed outside to see him. He was restlessly pacing outside and beside
him there was an young police officer sitting casually in his jeep. As soon as
he saw me he straightened and apologised for disturbing me during class.
Though I heard him, my attention was on Aayush. What the hell was he doing
outside my college that too with a cop.
All the questions were written on my face and before I could ask him he
introduced me to the cop and told him that I was watching a movie with him on
the previous day at Vasant Vihar PVR. I was completely baffled and looked at
the police officer. He asked me whether it was true and I just nodded my head.
I did not know what was happening. As soon as the officer left I just turned to
Aayush and pounced on him. He kept telling me that he would give me all details
later and asked me to go back to college. I told him that if he didn’t tell me
the whole story by evening I would call up one of his band members. He promised
that he will but that evening neither did he meet me nor did he call me up. I
waited till that Friday and on Saturday morning I went to his house. As usual
he was not at home but I told aunty that I wanted to pick up something and went
to his room. As soon as I opened the room
I could smell something very sweet and pungent. I could not place the smell but
just looked around the room. His wardrobes were locked and there was his video
game lying forlornly in a corner. The smell was very strong and I sneezed few
times but still could not find the source of the odour. The room was messy and
things were strewn around. When I touched the bed, there was a layer of dust. I
looked around and caught hold of an old handkerchief and wiped the side table
clean. I wanted to clean the room so went to the washroom to wet the cloth and
as soon as I entered the room, I knew the odour. For in the dustbin there were
two used disposable needles. I just stood there for I don’t know how long. I
was shocked and in a daze, then I heard aunty calling me. I rushed out mumbled
something about picking up what I wanted and in a daze reached home, closed my
door and just collapsed on my bed. Oh! How
could you Aayush? I wanted to share my anguish with someone but Who? I was
afraid that if I told my parents they would stop me from meeting Aayush. I
could not possibly tell Aayush’s parents so the only person left was Aayush and
he was nowhere to be seen . I remembered
the time when he asked me to pick him up from that seedy building in Hauz khaas
two years back. He never gave me any proper answer. Even now regarding the
police officer and him visiting my college, he hasn’t explained anything. I was
fuming, worrying and at the same time praying fervently that I was wrong . I
spent an entire week like that and still there was no word from Aayush. Finally
I called him up and asked him to meet me at the park nearby after college. As
soon as he saw me he knew that I was aware of his addiction. He looked guilty,
sheepish and completely haggard. I was surprised that his parents did not
notice his drawn face but then he was never home for long. I waited for him to
speak but he still kept quiet and when I was about to stand he caught hold of
my hand and started weeping. He looked so forlorn that I wanted to hug him but
with held because I wanted to know his story, about how he got into this
addiction. But before he could start speaking, there were sirens and police
vans heading towards us and I was just confused. He grabbed my hand and ran
towards our car and as soon as I got in, he asked me to drive him away to any
unknown destination from the chasing police and vans. I was completely bewildered.
This happened only in books and movies. What was I getting into? Why was the police chasing him? He was only
an addict not a murderer or robber. Or was he? What did I know about him after
he got into college. He seemed a completely different person, not the Aayush
who walked with me under the moonlit sky on a white washed beach. What brought
this on?
Now was not the time, I tried to
explain that it was not a good idea to escape from police but he asked me to
drop him somewhere and as I raced ahead, the police was narrowing the gap fast
and Aayush started panicking. There was traffic signal ahead and it was red and
I slowly came to a halt. The moment I put the break, Aayush jumped out of the
car and vanished into thin air. The traffic signal started turning green and I
had to move ahead and noticed through the rear mirror that the police vans had
stopped following and were moving in the direction that Aayush ran. I slowed
down my car and stopped near a culvert and before I could get out, I heard a huge
splitting noise of car crashing and people yelling. My heart stopped for a
second. Some sixth sense told me that it was Aayush but I was too scared to go
and see. I sat there shocked and terrified.
The End
